The Ninth Prayer

First Prayer for the Ninth Chapter

I am just talking to You with my hands...

I sit on my bed in the least adorned of all my rooms, in the least expensive of all my buildings, in the least familiar of all my places and I wonder if I will find you at last, Allah. You have combed my life of its contents so that it is made of spaces between threads. I wanted a blanket and you gave me a net that I do not know how to throw. Now, teach me to sit still and close my eyes. Send a river through me.

I loved someone and let them go. I had a blank check and I came to an alley-way hostel. My trumpet is wrapped in bubble-wrap, my showers are cold. Yet, I thank you for making me more dependent on your strength than my happiness. I hear flutes and smell schwarma; I have no television but my bed is enormous. Oh God of my heart, I wish that I will know you better and finally be your clay because I closed my eyes and I felt that your will is like a strong river and I am a stone. You will take away every scale and chip until I am a smooth boulder. You use everything to inspire me – I wanted to compose but all I will ever do is arrange. I am streaming my consciousness to you.

Today I read about simplicity but I know I can be simpler – please uncover my eyes so I will see the elegance of your design. I still live many careers in my mind but will you show me the color of emptiness? Will you show me the outline of blue? Will you help me hear the edges of my transformation? Should I hush now? Do you mind if I sit and listen to Zen tracks and forget where they came from? Do you mind if I have hopes for a necklace, so long as I look up to You? Can I wonder aloud with my fingers on the keyboard? Will you intervene with sighs too deep?

Yes. I love you... but these are only words until You fill me. Fill me with fresh air – cool air. Remind me of my manitou. I forgot I had one.

Thank you for Jesus and other good examples. Draw my eyes to them.

Amen