Full of Thin-Air

I composed no less than three entries in my head since the last time I logged-in here. What happened to them? It looks as if I am still out of the habit of blogging. I'm still roaming the empty-spaces of life a little too much, trying to get away from a prodigious pile of work. I want to do my work, I'm just scared of it all-- that's the only hitch. BBC videos usually do the trick, when I need to be distracted and not feel guilty. They're so educational, you know...

In other news, life goes on...
My aunt decided to take my career into her own hands and ask a friend of hers about internship opportunities in the Indianapolis area. Her friend offered help! I eagerly applied to four internships as Pearson in Indianapolis and tried to think positive. To my aunt's friend, I wrote an extensive letter, hoping to gain some support.
Her reply caught me slightly off-guard, not because it was anything surprising but because it was so verisimilar-- it was real. She said my e-mail was entertaining and unexpected. She gave me a kind of dingy picture of publishing and of graduating with an English degree (which made me very glad to be a COM major, you can bet on that). She said it would dull my passion for reading out of pleasure but that it might be a good way to go (which convinced me that I want to stay closer to the marketing side of publishing or not do it at all, perhaps). Overall, I just didn't get a sense of enthusiasm. It seems like a job, not a vocation. I should not have been surprised-- it matched my expectations of what I would feel in that position. I just thought that someone actually in publishing would spin it better.
I immediately wrote to the president of the WACC about membership; next, I read about their principles for Christian Communication and got stoked about social justice. I decided that, for better or worse, I'd probably prefer to not be stuck in a publishing house. Something else has to happen, first. I hope I can find something else--- especially since there are "no guarantees" about this job in Indianapolis. Once again, aunt Jeanine, despite meaning so well, probably sees things the way she wants. On the other hand, she's proactive and that, indeed, makes her a valuable asset.

The prognosis is iffy in paper-land. I wish I wanted to talk about it. I have so little optimism right now... yet I think I will do it? That's so contradictory-- proof that I am writing off of the top of my head.

Friday, I visited with a friend of mine who had been quite sick. She was quite talkitive and moving around well. Not to mention, she just looked good. That made me feel better. Then again, anyone would have looked better than me at that point-- I had just finished a long, confused run; I attempted to run to Baker woodlot and then find some "back-way" back. The back-way continues to A) not really be there the way I want it to be or B)be somewhere out in the country. I might be better served to stop running South--but to the North are residencies and that makes me feel nervous (people watching me run?). I did find 'the back-way' by Baker but it involves a little 'break' in the run--- that is, a walk across the railroad tracks and a good-old fence-climb. I would typically avoid fence climbs entirely but I found this one to my liking--- yesterday, I tried the route in reverse (except this time I didn't lose my sense of direction) and used an old tire to boost me over the fence. The catch? The route might not be viable during the week... it's adjascent to a construction site.
Fuko: Go at night.... ...maybe I'll go at night...
Anyway, I actually ran for forty minutes total, two days in a row... did I hear someone?
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What I wanted to write about, so badly, was a conflict I had with a friend. Of course, I'm also reticent to write about conflict since the days of "LiveJournal drama". There were some important insights to be had, though. For instance, through our conflict I first realized that there needs to be a distinction between judgement and evaluation. My friend was defensive about her beliefs because she feared that judgement would be passed on her. However, if we withold our evaluations then how are we to sharpen each other like 'iron on iron'. Surely, to evaluate and discuss a belief has to be partitioned from the judgement of a person. I don't think my friend is a bad person because she disbelieves whether an account in the Bible ever took place--- however, I do want to know WHY she believes so, in order to evaluate the usefulness of the belief or the flaws in the rationale or... whatever. Ideally, we could discuss our beliefs without fearing that people would judge US while they evaluate our beliefs.
Some might not value scriptural support, but if we consider Jesus's life we would find that he DID have distinct opinions about certain behaviors... he evaluated them negatively. Inserting Jesus into the discussion problematizes the entire issue, though, because it really depended on to whom Jesus was addressing himself. Those who were already considered 'sinners' usually weren't 'judged' as "bad"~~ arguably, Jesus restricted his evaluations to their behaviors. He wouldn't stone the woman, but he told her to quit comitting adultry (it's just a bad behavior). On the other hand, he said some NASTY STUFF about Pharisees. He called them vipers. Not viper-like but vipers.
In any case, I felt sad for my friend afterward-- for reasons I won't get into. Let's just say that I'm glad I didn't grow up in her house. Plenty of money to go around (which is UNlike my house) but huge cosmological dissonances to be dealt with. So, she deserves to be treated with some kindness...