Sometime in the last five weeks, I developed self-concept problems. It might have to do with the fact that I am a writer who is writing seemingly little. Even more likely, it is part of my inescapable annual cycle, augmented by the fact that Mediterranean winter is too much like Michiganian November. I am in a time of critical challenge and opportunity. The shock-waves finally reached the surface this week when I found myself crying over Skype.
It is time to embrace a new narrative for myself. I noticed Beit Sahour activist and fellow Michigander, Samantha Young, had embraced Under-dog as her facebook profile picture. It suited her; after speaking to an ‘Educational Opportunities’ group, I mused about who my cartoon super-hero avatar could be. Mega Man seemed to be the answer, by sheer exposure: I used to play Mega Man X on SNES every time I visited my parents during college – for the expressed purpose of blowing-up stuff. The character “X” became my sliver of fictional involvement.
The more I dwelled on “X” the more I saw reasons to embrace his narrative as my own. X wakes from a long-nap in a time-capsule to discover a terrible development: the other robots are driving the humans out of the region and fundamentally altering the landscape. The game begins as X runs, past the last carloads of people leaving, toward a legion of other robots. Playing from the beginning, I ran into that city over a hundred times, through the gauntlet, to challenge a foe in a reinforced metal-suit. The game is designed in such a way that X cannot possibly win without being rescued by an ally, Zero.
This brings us to the first parallel: the self-hating robot. Down on his little, blue knees, X laments that he was not strong enough. X already knows he’s a self-hating robot in another, crucial way: he denied himself the blossoming privilege of robot-supremacy to defend a hated minority. I am sure the other bots had something to say about that. Yet, he has no doubt about his mission, except for the doubts he has about himself. He is inadequate. Zero leans over and says to him... well, I scoured the internet and could not find it but I can paraphrase: “Dude, you have not reached full-power yet. Once you acquire all the tools you need, you can rise to the occasion.”
St. Paul advises in Ephesians 6:13* to “Put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.” I have been reluctant to embrace Mega Man as emblematic of my own purpose for fear it would expose my warrior dichotomy, wanting peace but moved to resistance. I remain committed to nonviolence but my self-deprecation has been an assault on my purpose as much as on my self. I have been unwilling to stand tall and say “I am a prophet,” for fear that I will seem arrogant or combative. I have continued fighting on the outskirts of the city, popping plasma blasts at drones to stay alive rather than tapping into my legacy.
X finds a capsule left to him by his creator with a hologram message explaining that he had hope X would be allowed to choose a peaceful life but left X a legacy in case the world demanded a new champion. The super-boots in that capsule give the power to slide quickly and make long jumps but they are only the beginning. There is body armor (much like the breast-place of righteousness) that gives X the ability to stand under-fire and spare energy tanks to extend his stamina. A metaphor is in each piece of equipment; the general idea is that X discovers parts of Dr. Light’s vision that were specially designed to make him strong in conflict. It takes some time and sweat but going into conflict situations is the only way for X to fully realize these gifts.
Foremost of those gifts is his own sword-of-truth, a booster that turns his modest plasma cannon into a powerful, versatile weapon. Added to that are the spoils of war: a new gun taken from the corpse of each boss he slays. The weapon enhancer enables X to unlock secret power in each of these, as well. That sword might be double-edged: if I gave myself over to blasting my way through every conflict, I fail the principles of Wi’am. The key to weapon-enhancer is that it must charge to full power – it is a waiting weapon. Speaking to groups on several occasions, I closed my eyes and remembered the sound of Mega Man powering-up that weapon. I used to charge it before I faced a boss, whether I needed it or not, to put myself at ease. “I’ve got this—thanks for the power-up, Spirit.” Discharged at the right time, it is super effective.
Mega Man is emblematic of a new self-concept, for me, because of his dynamic growth and intrinsic goals. There is no princess or treasure waiting for him in Sigma’s fortress. Mega Man is neutral on issues of pride because his unprecedented power and skill is not for the sake of prowess or accolades but to respond to the increasing level of difficulty. It would be easier to fall in-line with the global domination agenda, letting humanity and culture go to the trash-bin. However, it is inconceivable that X would allow such a thing to occur. Indeed, my world has not allowed me to choose another path, either. I feel as if I was in my own cryonic freeze in Creston, recalling the inscription on X’s capsule: “Warning: this robot is free-thinking and may rebel!” X and I share an important component: Mission. Though we are both free-thinking, and capable of denying our gifts, on our root level we cannot escape Purpose forever. We must go into battle. It is not because our programming was fail-safe but because our paths have shaped our potential. Only the blue, self-doubting X from the first stage could have become the imposing X who eventually bests his opponent from earlier in the game. The upgrades were specially made for him by his creator to be used for his Mission. If they become badges later, that is no reason to be ashamed—as long as they are tools first.
I will keep that in mind as I meditate.
*With respect to the limitations of Paul's world-view that are grossly apparent earlier in the chapter, I think I can take that with a grain of salt and continue to explore what he was driving toward with the armor metaphor.
